I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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