I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
