So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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