Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
