My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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