just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
they need to just BURY HIM!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
