Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
