i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
