Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
