i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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