Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
