So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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