she smelled like a LAN party
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize