On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
