Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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