apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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