What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
