I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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