I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The Olympian is in my bed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
