she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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