I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
