Dual....:-)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
