I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
