There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
