my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
