I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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