We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
