Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
