i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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