HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
