I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
