Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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