we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
