I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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