So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
