She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize