I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
