dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
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You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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