i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
