remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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