it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this boner is exhausting
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
