Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
