Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
