You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
