Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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