if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
