i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
