So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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