I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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