Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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