He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
