We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
