best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
