And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
