my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
