It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
