Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
