Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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