I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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