Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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