He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
