We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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