Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
