I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
