He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
