Just fell off a train. Bad.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
