pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
