drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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