Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
