I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
