ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
