So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
