dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
