STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
