Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
