look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
