So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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