shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
