i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
